join my pack

moved...

2005-12-16T21:51:00.000+08:00

not gonna use this blog anymore... haha... new one: canine-.blogspot.com

time to buck up

2005-08-15T23:59:00.000+08:00

havnt been able to get into the momentum of studying yet...gonna in big trouble eh? everything like in a mess... dun like this.. slack too much previously liao la..haha.. sian diao lo

in sch le

2005-08-13T00:43:00.000+08:00

finally.. after so long.. and after tons of pestering...ahem.. persuasion by someone to update my blog..i finally got around to blog again...

hmm.. by now third week le bah.. i re-enter sch for three weeks le! haha.. still not used to it.. hmm.. i slept in class! hiaz... so wrong....

anyway.. lots of girls.. quite a few nice looking...but.. dun know lei.. feel nth there..haha.... oh well.. study impt..haha.... gonna sleep more at home rather than in sch le...

extra

2005-07-16T10:08:00.000+08:00

doing my first and last extra now in this shit unit.. bored like mad now.. no games no msn.. gonna post again.. IF anything interesting happens..

very soon

2005-07-04T16:35:00.000+08:00

uni will be starting.. new life.. new environ.. new ppl.. haha.. excited lei.. all these will happen in abt 3 weeks!! cant wait to enter into this new life... today in office.. got another depression bout.. bored.. and totally disappointed in this place tat i hav worked in for the last 2 yrs..so...... looking forward to uni life.. must get back to studying mode again.. crank up the bookworm machine.. easier said than done.. haiz... getting lazy..... die.... haha.. i can do it bah..

cant stand the place anymmore

2005-06-24T17:35:00.000+08:00

had nite duty last yesternite, and so had a briefing early this morn, a certain female officer seemed to be in a bad mood, and tats my prob?? tat she had to take it out on us? she herself aint familiar with the SOP she wrote, and she has the audacity to confront us on the SOP?!! nvm tat, she still doesnt admit its her fault?! giving a shake of the head! implying its still OUR fault?! WTFH!

then briefing started, i din include something in my briefing, sometime tat the previous nite duty personnel neglect to do or inform me? and she was staring pointedly at me?! bloody hell!

cant wait to leave the bloody place, and leave the bloody female officers behind!! losers!

today

2005-06-17T19:44:00.000+08:00

went out with her. had fun. cool day! yea

but not gonna last long bah. sad sia

been quite a while eh?

2005-06-14T08:55:00.000+08:00

hmm.. been playing this online game.. habbohotel.. haha feel quite old there.. although there are some others abt teh same age as me playing there too.. so its still ok..welll anw.. got to know quite a few ppl there.. mostly girls.. haha.. im a guy after all.. and most pointedly.. got to know this particular girl..hmm.. she is a very nice girl... haha.. we can talk so well... we can talk abt just abt anything.. haha.. its quite aimless chat but somehow jus not tired of it.. haha..not gonna say much this time.. but i hav to meet ppl my own age la.. haha quite sian to always meet ppl younger than muar..

i was touched by a ...

2005-06-06T22:01:00.000+08:00

baby.. oh my.. it was so amazing..i was in the lift.. and tis baby on a those baby trolley.. dun know wat they are called.. anw he reached out to me.. and held my hand.. haha so cute!! he was like looking at me curiously then reached out and held my hand..ooo i love babies so much.. they are so innocent.. so adorable..haha..i will never forget today lor..

early in the morning 6 o clok

2005-05-25T09:53:00.000+08:00

hmm..ok not tat early this morn.. on my way to my unit.. it was raining so darn heavy..and on the highway.. there was this sight tat surprised me.. almost under all the overhead highways... there were these motorcyclists clustering together.. tryin to wait out the rain... it was quite a deja vu feeling.. lol.. they reminded me of wildebeests in africa staying together, weathering the rain together.. lol.. i suppose herd mentality exists somewhere in our human psychic too

anw, been playing this online thingy call habbohotel.. okok.. lots of young ppl there, i know now.. din know b4 tat.. well.. anw... found out that there are many countries' versions.. and i hav been playing the US version.. thennn... yesterday.. she talked with me on msn again.. nvm tat.. and i found out theres singapore version too!! hmm.. created an acct there too.. andd.. found out the diff between local peeps and foreigners.. we are so UN-friendly...in the us version, i can just walk into a room, and get lots of friend invites, and in sg version, i hardly get any response at all, tho im right in front of the person im addressing.. hmm...interesting find out...

hate this

2005-05-15T20:22:00.000+08:00

argh.. just wrote a long piece of my mind.. then blog hanged.. and all gone.. lazy to type liao.. so just summarise...

yestd.. went swimming... no girls.. sian.. noon went carshow.. racequeens.. mostly not nice.. only one very chio.. took photos of her.. and videos too.. such a temptress!!

today went to ntu chem and biomol eng tea party... lots of chio ppl there.. got hope liao?/ haha.. relief from 2 yrs of facing only guys... amen to tat.. met a fellow poly mate.. heard tat the physics is tough.. haha this from the scholar of our batch?? haha ok.....gonna work harder than i did in poly liao... haha was too slack

haiz... was sms-ing her somedays ago...tot everything back to as it was.... NOT!! one day suddenly she said im annoying to her.. huh??? BISH!! this came after a few days of sms-ing?? then today.. was feeling lonely.. and needed someone.. so tried sms her again.. saying i needed someone..well...she replied...tats wat so wonderful abt her...she is caring towards those tat need her.. even if she hates them...anw.. turns out she still cant forgive me for tat stupid mistake i made.. im a liar to her.. haha.. sian diao... haha whatever lor.. no one truly cares anw hor =) love her singing on the air though

well....

2005-05-11T15:58:00.000+08:00

hmm... i really dun understand girls.... haha... so alien lei... maybe i did something wrong bah... but we were chatting again.. she was even helping me with the story im writing... then one day.. she suddenly finds all my smses irritating and nerdy.... haha i admit they are lame la.. but it shdnt be enough to make her want to totally ignore me lor... got a new fren?? maybe.... i dun know anything anymore... haha no one can replace her.. no one.. but i suppose since she has so many friends.. im easily replaced bah.... haha if she reads this entry.. she is bound to say that i have nothing to be replaced in the first place at all!! haha right?? oh well...

ehh...

2005-05-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

haha hasnt been blogging for some time... nth much happening these days... dull life.. haha just today.. something happened.. in the game utopia tat im playing.. a previous enemy reappeared.. and tried to incite my own kingdom against me.. HAR HAR.. boy is he in for some thrashing.. in a short 3 hrs.. he lost over 400 acres of land.. out of which, i personally claim 260! and to top it off.. it was him who attacked me first... haha loser... he is actually the monarch of this other kingdom that he is in right now.. haha what sweet talk he used to let them think he is a capable king? i wonder.. and the bestest thing is.. somehow in the process of trying to incite my kingdom against me.. he provoked them instead!! and now my whole kingdom is stirred up against him.. haha boy is he a goner!

haiz... isnt it sad that im stirred up so much by a game?? by a unknown player, probably halfway across the globe?? haha tats how sad my life is right now.. but its all gonna change! i need someone... haha .. where can i find my someone lei? hmm....

waking up

2005-04-28T09:06:00.000+08:00

i think lifes abt a whole series of waking up to ur senses... looking back to when i was young.. i found some of my actions foolish.. and immature.. but of coz.. this is on hindsight...if only i had foresight instead!! haha.. but its true.. has anyone out there experienced this waking up b4?? its like u have always believed in something... or think certain way abt things... then one day.. WHAM! u realised that its wrong.. maybe not totally wrong.. but maybe theres a new and different way of doing things... haha and.. have u sometimes wondered why some so call adults appear childish or immature still?? its because they never woke up... tats not always a bad thing.. i mean.. they can be more happy than those who 'woke up' coz they take life easier.. but theres another side to the story...they can be stuck in their own world... viewing the rest of the world with narrowmindedness... so fixed are they in their own ways.. they allow for no concessions frm others... everyone is wrong and they are the correct ones... they could be living in loops.. and not allowing any outside views to intrude... hmm.. cant say they are wrong.. but whos having the better life?? well.. its a case by case basis bah... haha personally i rather wake up.. then to be trapped in illusions about the world...oh well...

WTH!

2005-04-23T10:15:00.000+08:00

keys to the main gate went missing... ok.. it was found after awhile but tats not the wth is abt... this warrant.. i dun want to name names.. but he is balding.. looks like a toad... suckup alot.. ya tats the one... wth!! no initiative at all!! har?! wants to pinpoint me for the fault tat the keys are missing?! huh?! keep asking me "wat to do? wat to do?" he is a bloody warrant for fuck's sake! ohh... higher the rank, lower the intelligence?! in his case... its totally true! bloody shit... "wat to do? wat to do?" the only he can say?? fuck him la.. this is a bloody shit hole! with bloody stupid officers! mind u.. not all officers are like tat.. but they are darn rare... lalala.. sayonara!! im going off!!! bye suckers!

on my way back on the train

2005-04-22T20:22:00.000+08:00

hmm..some girls just arent shy!!! wah lao.. today the train was darn squeezy lor!! then at yck station.. this girl came on board with her frens.. and i moved back to allow space for more ppl behind them to board till theres no space behind me anymore.. arghh!! and she has to come right before me...wah lao.. accusations could fly one lei!! i trying so hard to avoid her.. but she just keep backing up.. till her back is up against my arms... lucky i was crossing my arms before 4... or else it will be my groin she came up against... arghh.. and the thing is .. she knew i was just behind her and had no way to back up liao... wah lao...her long hair keep brushing me too.. and it dun even smell nice.. wth... girls these day

right now.. its like...

2005-04-19T20:34:00.000+08:00

3 more months to disruption.. cant wait for it to draw near...this place is stifling! hmm... nothing much happening today... so sian la... this place sucks! its draining my spirits... not even when im studying did i dread waking up everyday... theres no sunshine at all..except.. her! haha.. been smsing her these days... and exchanging the stories we are writing.. darn cool...maybe he is right.. she being nice to tok with doesnt mean there are anything between us bah...so am i falling the wrong way again?? hmm... appears so...haha..but wth.. dun care la.. think too much aint good too...gonna sms her later =)

u know something?

2005-04-18T21:22:00.000+08:00

its weird tat im thinking of her.. i only knew her like only 3 weeks? and i think its wrong too bah.. haha.. its socially unaccepted.. morally unacceptable... ethnically untolerable... wat am i saying? do i care? haha... well.. just see how it goes bah.. just enjoy while it last... and forget abt it when it ends... im not gonna be a fool again... kikiki.. self protection is necessary eh? just two lonely souls tat somehow found each other... hmm...there seems like many lonely ppl around eh? so if they are all put together... whos lonely?? haha... nah...its most lonely in a crowd...two is the best number ever!! and i think i found my 'two' for now...ya.. for now...

early in the morn

2005-04-18T06:09:00.000+08:00

hmm... just abt to finish my nite duty... and looked at the time..hmm.. she shd be abt to leave her house bah.. the day is just starting...im in trouble, i suppose.. to be thinking of her now... i shd not be thinking of her.. she shd just be a fren... haha oh oh... i always fall the wrong way sia... too painful liao la.... and the worse thing is... i think theres something real.. between us ...which can never happen... haha maybe it can... maybe we both are older bah..haha dun know..haiz.... i think im getting into the mood to write again... not just stories.. haiz...

been so long...

2005-04-14T18:08:00.000+08:00

its been so long since i found someone tat i can talk to.. haha.. its so weird... this time is totally different from the previous...though we dun talk abt everything... we have so many things in common.. haha...its wonderful to chat with someone who actually responds... rather than always demanding u to talk... and pay absolutely no attention to wat u saying.. haha... nvm.. we were friends.. but this time .. i wun let the same thing happen.. i wun be tat fool again... she is so cool though.. she draws!! she writes!! haha wow!! haiz... but i still think im getting myself into trouble.. coz im a fool tat feels too much.. haha... sad la... oh well.. im sure things will work out.. right? right! haha

ghost death life

2005-04-10T21:46:00.000+08:00

hmm.. some tots for the day... today went to pray my grandparents.. haha found it such a funny business... so many fams.. so many 'styles' of praying.. so whos correct?? and all this biz of paying respects to our departed ancestors.. where actually are they now?? heaven?? hell?? limbo?? haha i really dun know...why do humans have ghost?? why was the concept created?? ok.. im not making myself clear.. i mean.. organisms live and die...why do we think tat theres an afterlife?? a possibilty to come back and live again? coz we cant let go of the possessions we have??

hmm.. i think tats the reason..of coz i cant be sure..i myself dun want my death to be the end of me.. haha...tat after my death .. i can be free of worldly worries.. and 'live' happppyy!! ..haha but it begs the question of increasing world population...where are all the extra 'souls' for reincarnation coming from?? parallel universe?? dun laugh! im serious... im not discarding the idea of afterlife.. or reincarnation.. just dun understand it..

but back to the topic of ghosts.. haha i think its predominantly because of human guilty conscience.. our actions coming back to haunt us!! think abt it.. this must have started back when we were still primates in africa... as to result tat even as children.. we are afraid of shadows... this guilt is ingrained in us! hmm.. so.. are we born innocent?? or are we somehow carrying our primate guilt??

well...then abt life.. haha it seems pointless sometimes no? we are born... spend the good part of our youth in sch.. then our prime years slogging away...everyday wake up.. go sch or work..then go home.. to a cold and unfeeling house (note: its not home).. HA! P A T H E T I C !.. who can truly say they enjoy being at home? like i said before.. no one truly cares for any one else.. whos truly altruistic?! who truly helps another being out of selfless actions?? out of care?? with no trace of self-interests?? anyway.. after all these, then we die in the end? HA! is this some cosmic joke??

haiz.. its so lonely...haha sian right??

cold...

2005-04-09T22:19:00.000+08:00

haha this world is very cold lei... who ever truly cares for any being for who they are to them.. and not wat they are to them?? think abt it.. even children are like investments to parents.. hahah sad right?! hmm..really needed someone to talk to... and msged her in the morn.. well.. she replied.. for which im glad.. couldnt take it no more.. haiz.. shdnt disturbed her .. haha after i said goodbye liao lei.. but well.. know she doesnt care at all.. but she is kind la.. so ya.. lucky me... i think mayhap i shd change my character liao... dun place too much feelings or meanings on anything.. haha so darn cold...be the lone wolf eh?! haha hunt alone and travel alone in this cold harsh world...lalala.. who cares?!

music!!

2005-04-05T20:41:00.000+08:00

haha i dun like mids quality music but this mid of my fren simply rocks!! haha Harry Potter!! so cool!! gonna change the background to suit it.. hmm.. something dark... something sinister..yes tats it! haha... also i think i know how to create links within the blog itself... gonna be so darn cool!! haha .. to think tat i only started blogging this feb... haah *beaming with pride* (ok .. abit too proud.. haha)

haiz...

2005-04-03T17:46:00.000+08:00

haha kenshin is so cool!! (haha feel abit gay saying tat..) but his spirits!! his style!! haha so power sia! but the series is ending liao lei... sad... hmm.. recently found out tat many ppl likes him too.. but all girls.. haah bish!! haiz... his relationship with kori is so sweet!! haha.. i also want ..(erm.. not with him...) haiz...

anyway.. the blog appearance hasnt changed much hor... hmm.. somehow been busy these days...haha lazy too... but i think im going to change it liao.. got many other pics to use as bacjground!! haha i love wolves soooo very much...

HELLOOO!!!!

2005-04-02T07:30:00.000+08:00

my unit had a blackout in the early hours...haha so internet connection was down.. and since the IC is the life and blood of my unit... i couldnt work at all... oh okk.. maybe abit.. but it did gave me hours of sleep =) and when i woke up.. the cleaning auntie is already here... hmm.. she is in the pantry.. so she shd have cleaned the toilet liao.. ok.. i can use it..buttttt..........she doesnt knock like the previous auntie! tk any goddess or god for their sense of decency.. i finished my peeing b4 she came in!! arrGGHH!! my zeng chao has been protected.. phew!! but hello!!! when u are female, knock b4 u enter any guy's toilet??!!

Darn MSN!!! @$^#@&(^

2005-04-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

ARGH! kept logging me out!! haha was chatting with her lei... then kenna log out.. haiz.. was abt to ask her out.. but i know the answer now liao .. haha .. so nvm lor... stil its irritating la.. have to be in unit.. but cant com with outside world.. ARGH!

hmm...

2005-03-29T23:11:00.000+08:00

got into local uni liao... haha got two frens trying to persuade me not to go local.. but go aussie with them... one is already there.. haha she is now in my ex's tutorial group.. (haha my ex zai right?? so proud of her!) well.. haha another one wants me to go over with her.. well... i also want to go aus one lor.. but really no money la.... online on msn.. both giving me so many reasons.. i know all these lor.. haha but i got things at home lor... sian...Oh well lor...

haha..

2005-03-28T14:19:00.000+08:00

haha.. been so happy abt my success in my uni application and got carried away.. haha been telling everyone.. but i suppose i must choose who to tell it to... some ppl just dun know how to appreciate how hard it is for poly grads to get into local uni.. haha and still say its easy?! haha u try lor.. anyway... got in liao!! yea!! haha can save tons of $$ chish chink $$!! haha i think this time i will be abt the oldest in my course bah.. haha unlike poly... but its so cool to study again!!! yea!! haha was suaning my junior abt her sch work load... haha it wil be my turn soon!!

yesterday..

2005-03-27T09:56:00.000+08:00

it was a good day!!! well.. tiring at first.. coz gave tuition.. haha but went out with poh, boon haw and tze chong.. haha went orchard again.. hmm... know wat we do la??? kikiki walk up and down orchard lor.. feet was complaining of the torture.. but well the eyes werent... anyway... a piece of good news yesterday.. i got into both NTU and NUS!! haah cool!! i got both courses for my first choice.. no need to go aus liao bah.. oh well.. aussie babes..im sorry... haha i actually tot of her once i knew of this news...no .. not tat her.. but the other her.. just simply need to tell her...oh well.. weird sia..haha hope she is not reading this..

in the mood to write

2005-03-24T12:47:00.000+08:00

haha keep telling myself not to think of her... but she just keep coming back to the fore of my mind.. been going to her blog.. think she has forgotten who i am liao... haha bish!

burdened with the past, i cant see the future..
yet without the past, who am i??

hav i lingered too much in my memories??
hav i put too much meaning to wat we had??

is this called being sentimental??
or just plain stupidity to hold on while there's nothing at all to hold??

we had so many moments wherein we bared our hearts, our worries, our fears..
yet they seem pathetically few now, since it means nothing to her..

i was alone before she came along..
if she din intend to stay, why did she care??

if im no one to her now, do i still care for her??
do i still worry abt her?

i do!
i do...

forever the fool tat i am...
i have to move on la!!

An almost good deed for the day

2005-03-23T20:05:00.000+08:00

today started off as usual.. boorringg day at the office.. anyway.. i took half day off to go swimming with my other unit frens.. cut long story short.. well we got to jurong east swimming complex.. (haah so far away eh?) .. we swam abit.. haha and noticed these two girls.. well.. okla.. they quite pretty.. one quite sexy too.. but im not interested in this one.. but... my fren, tian hao, and i were too hum to go chat them up... so ya.. we just ogled.. haha ooops... however things got interesting at the wavepool...

i noticed them looking at the far end.. haah i tot they were afraid to go near there... but it turned out tat there was a bird drowning!! for goodness sake... they were just looking?! i swam towards the bird.. haha with absolutely no idea if i dare to hold it... well..i reached the creature in distress... i put out my right hand under it.. and !!!! it just went straight down into the pool... arrgh... i cant dive!!! i swam away and almost gave it up as a lost case.... but i turned around again.. haah dun know why... and the bird was there at the surface again.. struggling..this time i wun give up... i swam as hard as i can.. (haha im not tat strong a swimmer...) and reached the bird... i caught in it my left hand... tell u sth.. its not a nice feeling...ya... so tats it... the bird was out of the water.. but i was too late... so ya... it was almost a good deed eh?

well... whose fault is it?? i guess its the girls... later we got around to talk abit... (haha yesh!) and found out that the girl tat caught my eye first saw the bird dropped into the water... and was actually thinking of saving the poor thing..but she was stopped by her fren.. the sexy one..argh! the bird could have been saved...haiz.. oh well

anyway... we talked just abit more... the girls are from poly.. haha abt 17 -18yr old...(still too young for me??) but tian hao and i din push forward with our opportunity.... notice tat i never mention their names?? nor which poly they came from?? and not so sure abt their age?? hahaha losers!!! haiz... sian diao

quite sian

2005-03-22T14:47:00.000+08:00

this morning i realised tat i hav lost sleep and weight over the past week.. and now feeling sooo sleepy and ill...haha this cannot go on!! last nite i ate so much.. i hope i can gain some back... oh well.. she has come and gone.. haha time to move on bah.. right?? of course la!!

haha it shd be abt time tat i get to this blog thingy liao la.. haha been so long...

quite freaky!

2005-03-20T18:17:00.000+08:00

haha watched kenshin on m'sian channel just now.. he's finally fighting shishio after so long!! haha tat evil bastard actually took a bite of kenshin!! wth! tats like so sick! hahaha wonder wats the taste's like...hmm.... abit sad though... i think this fight is heralding the end of the series.. haha sian diao ... i hate endings!

sho sleepy today!! been surviving on some borrowed sleep.. duty thru the nite.. slept some.. but not enough.. then still have to go temple prey prey early in the morn.. then go give tution straight away!! haha my borrowed time was used up.. and i just slept thru the noon.. waste of time!!

haiz.. havnt been doing much for the blog design.. been so sian of sth.. but now i think i can get on with my normal and quiet life bah.. haha somewat relieved.. somewat sad.. coz its such a lonely life too.. haha...

but i met someone else on msn... haha she seems such a nice gal!! hope i wun be as foolish this time.. oh well.. only time can tell eh?

shitty day

2005-03-19T21:13:00.000+08:00

was going to swim with unit frens.. kena fly kite.. haiz. sian why i forget to give my new num to everyone?? haha dumb sia.. then end up sleep so much!! borrriinnggg! now in camp! even BBOOORRRINNNGGG!

havnt been enthu abt modifying the blog outlook.. very sian abt something!

nth much to say.. said goodbye liao.. nth more can be said.. i hate goodbyes! found someone new to talk to? haha found out tat she is now telling others abt how obsessed i am.. when it was me whom she talked to last time...oh well.. must kill it NOW!!

A NEW COM!

2005-03-18T20:07:00.000+08:00

hahaha went to the creative thingy today!! got some great deals!! haaha 512 M RAM, 120 Gig, 17" LCD monitor, wireless keyboard and mouse, Slix motherboard!!.. and got one interesting happening... haha there was this auntie who wanted to buy webcams..hmmm... watever could she want a webcam for??? hahaha saw so many pretty girls.. so many in sch uni.. weird..but i just tot of one all of the time.. haha sian .. oh well.. im an idiot to her!! hhaha sian diao

HAA

2005-03-17T14:07:00.000+08:00

we are talking again.. haha im darn confused

Prrreecciiooouuss

2005-03-16T17:10:00.000+08:00

HAHA i suppose nothing shd be too precious to let go.. no one too precious to forget.. is this how this world works?? to be so afraid to treasure, to feel so intense? haha guess i shd learn my lessons by now.. right? this is the darn second time i couldnt let go.. this is a harsh world.. if all these are true.. haha its so sad

i am but a foolish man...does she still read my words? does she still care abt wat i say? she did, once upon a time.. i know tat.. she did care.. now im not sure..do i still mean anything to her? haiz...i never believe wat others say of her.. i have always known her to be true.. maybe tats the reason i felt so much, to care so much, when its so impossible..haha how foolish muar can be?!

The Chubs Chubs

2005-03-16T10:37:00.000+08:00

haha to all those who watch kids central.. theres this short animation called the Chubs Chubs.. its abt this loser who keeps blundering in a club in the middle of nowhere.. and got kicked out so many times of the club.. the third time he got kicked out.. he encountered this alien from the StarTrek.. (haha lots of funny characters inside).. who told him tat the Chubs Chubs are coming!! its a dire warning!! coz the Chubs Chubs are vicious.. however as all funny shows goes.. our loser doesnt know wat the Chubs Chubs are.. but he saw a huge cloud of dust in the distance approaching the club.. and immediately made the connection tat they are the Chubs Chubs

hahaha he gave the warning to everyone in the club.. and everyone fled.. he was ran over by soooo many aliens.. when he got up.. he prepared to run.. but he saw some furry creatures still pecking at the ground.. and he couldnt let them be killed by the Chubs Chubs.. he stuffed them into a bucket.. but by the time he did tat.. the cloud had reached the club.. and he looked up into the eyes of a mulitude of huge alien warriors.. he overturned the bucket in an attempt to still save the furry creatures..and started singing to appease the warriors..

haha he sang "Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends?" on and on, on and on.. till he accidently toppled the bucket over.. and the furry creatures popped out of the bucket!! lo and behold! they are in fact the feared CHUBS CHUBS!! the Chubs Chubs looked at the warriors, with eyes tat suddenly seemed manical.. and with mouth opened wide showing rows upon rows of razor teeth.. they set upon the warriors.. hahha reducing them into scrap armour!!! wat a twist!

"Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? Why cant we be friends? "

HAHAHA

A story

2005-03-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

there is a girl. met her thru msn. haha i was so borrriinnnggg to her. yet she is kind, and sensitive. as we get to know each other.. we talk abt the wildest things, abt the most private of feelings, abt everything.. we are so close as friends.. then one day, i make a mistake. a huge one. now its all broken. all tat we had is shattered. it is the most dreadful mistake i make. nothing i said can explain my regrets to her. It Is Really Un-Intentional! i truly dun want to spoil wat we have. cant she see my regrets? my sorrow? my hatred of myself?

right now, we dun talk. we dun share moments. do i truly mean so little to her? did i even mean anything to her? i hope so... coz her friendship is most precious

changes!!

2005-03-14T14:22:00.000+08:00

haha got some alignment into the whole blog.. getting the hang of how to do it.. hmm.. generating some ideas liao.. i think i can really do a skin of my own liao.. proud la... now want to know how to use links.. erm... not saying it well here... but basically want to be space efficient.. how ah??

haha wanted to do a portrait of someone... maybe i can use it here... haha... wheres the hurt ah?

fallout

2005-03-13T23:52:00.000+08:00

it went nuclear..just like tat... so cold yet so final.. no turning back now.. all's said and done.. the ink has dried.. we are no longer friends.. not even acquaintances.. zlitch! no connection! nada! suppose i shd feel relieved.. to be free of all these fucking depression.. but im bloody not.. was it all fake? i think so.. but din want to believe.. her fren told me she is a good actress.. and i suppose im a good audience.. falling for her every fucking word.. the emptiness in my heart is so deep.. i cant feel anything.. not even when she ignored me was it so complete... nothing in there no more.. its dead.. i cant feel. whatever...

so far away

2005-03-13T22:24:00.000+08:00

so far away have we seem to drift... always this gulf of a distance between us... confusion seems to be my constant companion right now...

so far away, doesnt anybody stay in one place anymore, it would be so fine to see ur face at my door, doesnt help to know u're so far away...

haha it is a song.. but it really speaks of the distance i feel now.... one moment u are such a close fren..the next, we are strangers... i know we are different in character and for goodness sake our very age diff is great.. but its a friend tat i want most.. a friend tat i can turn to.. a friend tat will look to me in turn in times of trouble.. haiz... i always fall the fucking wrong way!

i am but a fool

2005-03-12T23:40:00.000+08:00

haiz.. so foolishly in love with someone... must kill this foolishness.. must stop it.. i know its the right thing to do..but why cant i do it? i truly dun know.. just found out tat she still cant trust me.. why not?? it was a genuine mistake.. AAARRGGGH...really dun understand wat can i do to remedy the situation... hahah i think im in the mood to write again....haiz...i am but a fool

i am but a fool, to be so foolishly in love with someone
to be pining for her, to be wishing to know everything abt her

why is it so hard to believe im true to her?
why is it so difficult to trust me once more?

haha.. i know im not the right guy for her.. yet i want to care for her
i know she is happy with someone else, yet i worry about the slightest thing about her

haiz...without her trust, are we still friends?
or just acquaintances?

friends; who shares secrets?
or acquaintances; who says the occasional hello?

i am but a fool
to be in love once more

anyway...watched 'Hitch' today.. wonderful! learnt many things... haha.. gonna do some major changes to meself!

gonna redo

2005-03-12T00:33:00.000+08:00

oh well.. my target reader has said tat my blog has done something to her com.. causing it to hang itself.. hahah.. so i decided to redo my blog..the designs will still be coming in.. -hope so..- ihave a suspicion tat its the music tats causing the pesky problem.. but nvm.. i wanted to have my design anyway.. haha now at least some incentive to really do it.. and not just doing some lousy copywork! hmph! hahaha

haha

2005-03-11T20:02:00.000+08:00

today very very lousy feeling!! haha sms her but she nvr replied.... got so freaky worried tat she is ill and alone at home.. hahah sometimes im so freaking stupid! then when i found out she was with her frens.. i dun know to be happy or to be sad.. hiaz.. am i trying too hard to care? am i chasing her away?? does she tink my feelings for her are fake? its like she is slowly distancing herself from me... haha sian la.. i can only haha now la.. keep haizing and i will start growing a white beard liao.. haha am i shit to u ah??

wellll today blog seems to have probs... trying to solve it now... the alignment all gone askewed..dun know why.. tried to insert the post titles and this shit happened.. argh.. freak! got the music i was looking for! yea! still learning... haha... so slow la... still so many things i havnt tried out.. so amazing...

Haiz....

2005-03-10T21:52:00.000+08:00

why she keep haizing these days? im supposed to be the one doing that and not her... headaches are no joking matter lor.. haiz.. really wish i can do something concrete to help her... hahah miss seeing her again.. been a week or so since the second time i saw her in person.. damn its getting to be an addiction.. wat to do?wat to do?

haha anyway.. some big changes to my blog... i now know which scripts to use to make moving words.. and most notably music!! haha... mp3s took a long to load.. but midis quality is not so good lei... haiz. took this blogskin.. not so proud of it..will try to change it to my own style! hmph! HAHA oh gtg..

you know i cant smile without you

2005-03-09T20:47:00.000+08:00

ya.. i mentioned this song to her in the morn.. dun know if she remembers.. but its exactly wat i always feel.. when she is depressed, im depressed.. when she smiles, its like the sun has peeked out from behind the clouds.. this is not a nice thing to feel since she has a bf liao and im still so dumb.. haha .. she is now depressed.. and sad.. and i cant do anything to help her.. is he with her now? listening to her complaining? he better be! oh well.. i am but a fool, so foolishly in love with her.. you know i cant smile without you?

funny!! http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/cantsmilewithoutu.html

hmm.. anywhere.. abt the blog changes updates.. haha i have centered the positions of the small pic at the end of each posting; originally it was in the left alignment.. now looks better bah.. bad news.. i seem to have screwed up the moving text at the bottom of the window.. where is the orginal javascript? haha... oops.. on the up side.. i got the words at the TOP of the window to move.. hha... learning and learning .. still not slowing down

hmm...

2005-03-08T22:36:00.000+08:00

just some highlights of the changes i made: obviously the multitude of kenshiins cutting thru the screen, the lousy tagboard and less obvious is the lovely pic at the end of each posting.. .wondering who has noticed that. couldnt figure some codes out today...maybe i shd create a skin of my own

anyway... been both a happy and a lousy day.. i think she believes in me again.. im so happy!! haha dun like to lose a fren.. but somehow.. i feel like i mean zlitch to her.. why? i have no idea.. oh well.. this phrase is great.. makes me feel like letting go easily.. but can i do it in real life? i can only hope so.. its a sad and lonely life without tat special someone

HAHAHAHA

2005-03-08T01:28:00.000+08:00

look at that! kenshiin across the whole screen!! LOL! feel some sense of achievement.. when three weeks ago i know nothing abt this html thingy at all... well.. now still not completely.. but its something la.. HAHAHHAH